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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Trending via Pinterest:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Just shared via Threads:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Shared recently on Telegram:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Spotted on Discord:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Just landed via Facebook:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Humorous text about blood pressure and chasing hoes, playful and witty in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like this person's blood pressure meter is also their "hoe-ometer"! 🤣📈 Guess it's all about self-care and keeping those stress levels low, even when the temptation is high! 💁‍♂️ #HealthFirst #NoHoeChasing

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Making waves on WeChat:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Trending via Messenger:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Live now on Telegram:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Making waves on Reddit:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

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