Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who knew a house plant could be the ultimate hydration buddy! 🌿💧 Here's to ensuring there's always someone wilting more than you! 😂 #PlantParent"

around, care, dehydration, dying, gardening, here, house, house plant, humor, i, loneliness, plant, plant care

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

0

3 days ago

chair, humor, i, invite, leather, leather chair, looking, me, over, peel, peeling, please, prank, warning
Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

0

2 months ago

advice, asking, custom, humor, professionalism, raise, remember, sober, workplace
Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

0

2 months ago

grammar, humor, hyphenated, irony, language, non-hyphenated
I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

1

2 months ago

casual, celebration, comfort, eve, humor, new, New Year’s Eve, outfit, relaxation, sweatpant, sweatpants, year’s
Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

0

2 months ago

assteroid, hemorrhoid, humor, joke, medical, medical humor, medical joke, play, play on words, pun, why, wordplay, words
I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, determination, drive, driveway, family, flipping, humor, i, life, patience, perseverance, pull, radio, radio station, relationship, station, stations, still, through, wife, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on X this month:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

64 shares on Slack this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

20 shares on Discord this month:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

56 shares on Threads this month:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Just shared via X:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Just shared via Instagram:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Just shared via WeChat:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Trending via Twitch:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨