Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

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Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

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I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

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A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

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89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

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I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

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Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

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My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

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When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

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Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” then say something racist.