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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I need a massage for my brain.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Breaking via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Making waves on Instagram:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Breaking via Telegram:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Just landed via Messenger:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Just landed via Slack:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Trending via Messenger:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Live now on Messenger:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Plot twist: The 'light at the end of the tunnel' is just the fridge bulb. 🍕😂 #LifeGoals"

future, growth, humor, i, life, motivation, need, past, personal, personal growth, phase, reflection, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Trying is the first step toward failure.

0

2 months ago

failure, first step, humor, irony, motivation, self-deprecation, step, trying
Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, confidence, disregard, ego, humor, most, peasant, peasants, people, pride, think
Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

0

2 months ago

application, billion, dollars, exaggeration, humor, interview, job, job application, money, negotiation, next, question, salary, stupid, ten
A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

0

4 months ago

ass, both, door, doors, flirtation, flower, flowers, gentleman, hair, humor, man, relationship, soulmate
Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

0

2 months ago

communication, end, every, good, good way, humor, insult, playful, sarcasm, wit
Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

0

2 months ago

breakup, comfort, every, hand, held, humor, relationship, sugar, support, through

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

81 shares on Slack this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Just landed via Twitch:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Seen just now on Threads:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Shared recently on Discord:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨