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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Trending via Slack:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Trending via YouTube:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Going viral on Discord:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Making waves on TikTok:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Breaking via Discord:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Christmas: the season of expanding waistlines and expanding fibs to the little ones! 🎅🍪🤥🎄 Who says you can't indulge in both delicious treats and creative storytelling at the same time? It's all in the holiday spirit! 😉"

children, Christmas, family, fat, festive, festive fun, food, fun, getting, getting fat, gift, gift giving, giving, holiday, holiday humor, humor, i, love, lying, things, traditions

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

85 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

10 shares on Threads this month:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

80 shares on X this month:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

10 shares on X this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

46 shares on Discord this month:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

54 shares on Threads this month:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Breaking via Discord:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Breaking via Slack:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Having a job ruined my life.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

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