Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

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In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

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I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

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Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

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I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

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The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

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Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

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I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

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Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

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Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

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Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.