Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Making waves on WeChat:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Just landed via Twitch:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Spotted on Threads:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Live now on Instagram:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
They say everything's bigger in Texas, including my keychain knife skills! 🥩🔑😄

car, car key, cutting, joke, key, keys, restaurant, roadhouse, steak, substitute, Texas, Texas Roadhouse, utensil, utensil substitute

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

0

4 months ago

anger, emotion, every, got, hotness, hotter, humor, i, mad, man, me, relationship, thinking, time, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

0

2 months ago

emotional, expression, farewell, feeling, going, humor, love, million, miss, missing, next, trick, unspoken, unspoken feeling, ways
I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

0

2 months ago

back, communication, expression, feel, feelings, holding, honesty, humor, i, media, opinion, people, social, social media, stop, tell, truth, us, wish
Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

0

2 months ago

chips, eating, entertainment, humor, multitasking, snack, subtitles
When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

0

2 months ago

back, cause, childhood, die, discipline, family, humor, i, kid, natural, natural cause, nostalgia, parents, sure, talking, talking back
Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

0

2 months ago

baby, ever, job, serious, snitch, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

54 shares on Telegram this month:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Spotted on YouTube:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Breaking via X:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Going bananas on Threads:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨