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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Going viral on Messenger:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Going viral on X:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Spotted on WeChat:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Making waves on WeChat:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Spreading quickly via X:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about self-criticism, showcasing playful self-awareness and wit.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Note to self: If I shake my head any harder, it might just unscrew! 🤔🤣 #SelfDisapprovalChamp"

daily, daily mood, days, disapproval, head, head shake, humor, mood, myself, self-criticism, self-deprecating, shake, shaking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on X this month:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

93 shares on Threads this month:

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Making waves on Twitch:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Shared recently on Slack:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Making waves on YouTube:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Just landed via Threads:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Trending via Telegram:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Trending via Pinterest:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨