Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Spotted on X:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Just landed via WeChat:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Going viral on WeChat:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Going viral on YouTube:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Spotted on Messenger:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Note to self: If I shake my head any harder, it might just unscrew! 🤔🤣 #SelfDisapprovalChamp"

daily, daily mood, days, disapproval, head, head shake, humor, mood, myself, self-criticism, self-deprecating, shake, shaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, death, environment, humor, Kardashian, kim, Kim Kardashian, plastic, sea
I’m tired of things costing money.

0

2 months ago

cost, expense, financial, humor, money, sarcasm, things, tired
After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

0

2 months ago

after, boss, difficult, difficult time, having, humor, privacy, respect, time, today, week, week off, work
Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

0

2 months ago

age, call, comfort, days, excited, excitement, home, i, just, lay, lay down, me, old, old age, relaxation, tiredness
No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

0

2 months ago

buffalo, buffalo wing, ever, food, humor, me, nap, restaurant, sarcasm, single, support, waitress, wet, wet nap, wing, wings
Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

0

2 months ago

ability, detail, direction, distraction, exaggeration, humor, incredible, irony, self-deprecating, superpower, wrong, wrong direction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

47 shares on X this month:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

10 shares on X this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Shared recently on Slack:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Spotted on X:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Going bananas on Telegram:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Trending via Slack:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Just shared via YouTube:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Just shared via Reddit:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

I’m tired of things costing money.

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨