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Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from has downloaded:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

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My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

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I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

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“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

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The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from has copied:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Someone from has downloaded:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from has viewed:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.