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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Going bananas on WeChat:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Going viral on Slack:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Freshly posted on X:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Trending via YouTube:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Just shared via Slack:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If laughing at my own jokes is wrong, then I guess I was always meant to be a stand-up comedian in denial 🤣😅

emotion, emotionally, humor, joke, jokes, laugh, own, self-awareness, stability, stable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

0

2 months ago

abs, breakfast, comparison, diet, food, food humor, humor, just, pancake, pancakes, waffle
The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

0

2 months ago

food, fruit, funny observation, fur, humor, kiwi, misunderstanding, observation, potato, thought, time
The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

0

2 months ago

animal, conspiracy, coo, government, humor, overthrow, pigeon, plot, plotting, satire, start
My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

0

2 months ago

death, internet, social media, tombstone, WhatsApp
My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

0

2 months ago

12, age, dieting, faster, hours, humor, over, perspective, proof, runs, sweets, temptation, time, weeks
I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, complicated, confusion, door, doors, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, irony, life, moment, pull, pull door, push, push door, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

95 shares on X this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

70 shares on X this month:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Spotted on YouTube:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Making waves on TikTok:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Breaking via TikTok:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Spotted on Instagram:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Going bananas on Facebook:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨