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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Broadcasted on Slack:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Just shared via Instagram:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Seen just now on WeChat:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Trending via Slack:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Looks like Trivial Pursuit took a permanent vacation with the floppy disks! 📚🎉😂

anyone, board, board game, encyclopedia, game, game night, night, nostalgia, old fashioned, play, pursuit, retire, retired, retired game, trivia, trivial, Trivial Pursuit

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

40 shares on Threads this month:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

61 shares on Threads this month:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Live now on Pinterest:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Just landed via Reddit:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Just shared via WeChat:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Trending via Reddit:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Going viral on Messenger:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Breaking via YouTube:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

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Activity Log ✨

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨