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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Live now on Telegram:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Just landed via Facebook:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Trending via Slack:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Just shared via Facebook:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Breaking via Instagram:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

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Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.
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Commentary:
😂🧠 Just making sure everyone knows that being a goofball is my secret genius strategy. Carry on, casual mortals! 🎩😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on YouTube this month:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

48 shares on Slack this month:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

20 shares on X this month:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

67 shares on X this month:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Spotted on WeChat:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Going bananas on X:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Seen just now on Instagram:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

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