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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Just shared via Threads:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Going viral on Reddit:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Just shared via Twitch:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Seen just now on Threads:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Making waves on Slack:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Breaking via WeChat:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Going viral on Facebook:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Making waves on Threads:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Humorous quote about procrastination with playful, indecisive humor.
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Commentary:
"Decisions, decisions! 🤔 Who needs productivity when there's a whole day of Netflix waiting for you? 😅 Procrastination game strong! 💪 #NotToday"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Facebook this month:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

13 shares on X this month:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Making waves on TikTok:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Making waves on Twitch:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Trending via Slack:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

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