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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Just shared via Snapchat:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Shared recently on Threads:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Trending via YouTube:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Just shared via Slack:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Freshly posted on Slack:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

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Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.
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Commentary:
"Regrets? Honey, I've had more names inked on me than a library card! 🤪💔 #TattooTales"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Just shared via Instagram:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Seen just now on Messenger:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Spotted on Twitch:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Making waves on TikTok:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Trending via Instagram:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Just landed via Facebook:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

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