Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

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My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

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I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

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Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

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My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

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The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

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Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

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You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

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Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

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The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.