Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

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Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

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I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

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Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

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If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

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Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

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I can resist everything except temptation.

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Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

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Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

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Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?