Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,395

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Just landed via TikTok:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Breaking via Reddit:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Just landed via WeChat:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Making waves on WeChat:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Just shared via YouTube:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Eating healthy requires a second job.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I’ll need a third job just to afford dessert! 🥑💸🍰

diet, eating, healthy, healthy eating, humor, job, lifestyle, money, second, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

2 months ago

comedy, frustration, hate, humor, i, irony, parody, reality, satire
You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

2 months ago

appearance, humor, hurt, i, me, morning, self-deprecating, thing
I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

3 months ago

adventure, fear, i, job, occupation, plane, push, skydiver, want
Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

2 months ago

do everything, everything, funny observation, hand, hold, humor, i, just, know, knowledge, knows, observation, pencil, sit, weird
Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

2 months ago

beer, breakfast, day, food, humor, important, morning, most
Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

1 week ago

Christmas, clothing, gone, holiday, house, humor, over, pair, smaller, stolen, surprise, theft, trouser, wardrobe, work, work trouser

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Slack this month:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Live now on Reddit:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Shared recently on X:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Trending via Instagram:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Spotted on YouTube:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨