Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

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The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

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Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

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The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

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Be nice today, the world is on fire.

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Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

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One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

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Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.