Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).