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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Going viral on Telegram:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Live now on YouTube:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Making waves on WeChat:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Just landed via Twitch:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Spotted on TikTok:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Shared recently on Threads:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Spotted on Facebook:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🚲 Seeing a couple on a tandem bike always raises the eternal question: who drew the short straw in this pedaling partnership? 😅 It's like a two-wheeled test of patience and teamwork. Just hope they don't hit a bump in the road… or have a tandem tiff! #RidingInSync

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on YouTube this month:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Making waves on Instagram:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Breaking via WeChat:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Going viral on Discord:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Going viral on YouTube:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

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