Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

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Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

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My chakra went out for cigarettes.

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Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

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Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

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I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

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God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

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Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

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Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

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It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

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Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.