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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Blink if you want me!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

430 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,699

Funny Quotes Topics

17,717

Funny Quotes Images

15,699

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,551

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Shared recently on X:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Breaking via Reddit:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Going viral on Threads:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Trending via Reddit:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Going viral on Messenger:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you start believing your own excuses, you're definitely on that level 😂🤦‍♂️#Oops #StayReal

actually, attraction, everything, feeling, feels, humor, likes, misconception, misunderstanding, relationship, stripper, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

2 months ago

activity, day, gardening, home, home activity, humor, procrastination, relaxation, today, TV
Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

3 months ago

agreement, communication, decision, half, humor, i, mistake, problem, problems, regret, said, saying, saying yes, sure, yes
I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

2 months ago

adulthood, bills, humor, i, me, miss, nostalgia, nothing, responsibility
Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

2 months ago

back, drama, everyone, hours, humor, just, media, quit, return, separation, social, social media, trial
Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

2 months ago

being, clothing, comfort, feels, humor, irony, naked, nakedness, sh
I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

2 months ago

aging, block, door, holding, humor, i, isolation, old, people, shut, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on X this month:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

90 shares on X this month:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

90 shares on X this month:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Live now on Messenger:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Just landed via Twitch:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Just shared via Slack:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Just landed via WeChat:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Spotted on Discord:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Trending via Reddit:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨