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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Trending via Telegram:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Going viral on Twitch:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

3 weeks ago

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Judging me is more fun than a soap opera marathon 📺😂👀

explaining, humor, judge, judgment, just, me, much, myself, please, sarcasm, too, work

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23 shares on Discord this month:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

56 shares on Threads this month:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Making waves on Reddit:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Making waves on Discord:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Making waves on Twitch:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Going bananas on Discord:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

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Activity Log ✨

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨