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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2434 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,596

Funny Quotes Topics

15,265

Funny Quotes Images

12,596

Updated

51 minutes ago

Users Online

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Spotted on Slack:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Spotted on WeChat:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Spotted on Slack:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Making waves on Reddit:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Just landed via Threads:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Going viral on YouTube:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Live now on Twitch:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Making waves on Slack:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Well, I guess if Fleetwood Mac said it, who are we to argue? 🎸😅 #FollowTheMusic"

courtroom, fleetwood, Fleetwood Mac, go own way, honor, humor, i, independence, joke, mac, music, own, said

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I think God was high when he made me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Trending via Messenger:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Trending via YouTube:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Just landed via Slack:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Trending via Pinterest:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Going viral on Messenger:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Live now on WeChat:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

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Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

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Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

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