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Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

1 month ago
bed, door, night, rose, Titanic
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

1 month ago
ad, ad break, adrenaline, away, back, break, call, childhood, excitement, feel, furniture, high, high stakes, i, kids, know, Netflix, never, nostalgia, over, racing, running, screaming, send, sibling, sorry, stakes, time, TV
I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

5 months ago
age, bed, couple, days, discomfort, injured, injury, me, recovery, sleep, uncomfortable, where
Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

1 month ago
activity, around, chips, class, dancing, day, dip, grabby, humor, i, intro, myself, salsa, starving, weird
I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

1 month ago
am, comedy, dessert, diet, food, food joke, humor, i, italian, Italian food, joke, just, leaving, pasta, pizza, speak, where, wordplay
Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

1 month ago
being, boyfriend, boyfriendable, dating, expectations, fun, humor, love, relationship, stop

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

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What a strange day. And it has been for years.

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Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

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Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

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The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

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“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

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Shared recently on TikTok:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Just shared via Facebook:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Going viral on Telegram:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Going bananas on Slack:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Trending via Facebook:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

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Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

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I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

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Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

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Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

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Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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