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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,575

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Making waves on Slack:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Trending via Messenger:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Shared recently on Threads:

Going viral on Telegram:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Just shared via Messenger:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

4 weeks ago

Witty text about chess strategy emphasizing protecting the king with humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the king – that regal centerpiece of the chessboard, demanding only the finest bodyguard service! 👑♟️ No surprises here, I mean, who in their right mind would want their ruler to break into a cold sweat during a game of strategic warfare? Checkmate anxiety, anyone? 😂 #RoyalPriorities"

chess, feel, game, humor, i, king, let, never, safety, strategy, too, understand, understanding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on TikTok this month:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

30 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

98 shares on X this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

87 shares on TikTok this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

23 shares on Slack this month:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the mess in domestic.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,520

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Trending via Twitch:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Trending via X:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Breaking via Messenger:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Going bananas on X:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Making waves on Messenger:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Just shared via Messenger:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

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