Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Trending via YouTube:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Shared recently on X:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Spotted on Instagram:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Making waves on Slack:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Shared recently on X:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Spotted on Slack:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

1 week ago

Witty text about chess strategy emphasizing protecting the king with humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the king – that regal centerpiece of the chessboard, demanding only the finest bodyguard service! 👑♟️ No surprises here, I mean, who in their right mind would want their ruler to break into a cold sweat during a game of strategic warfare? Checkmate anxiety, anyone? 😂 #RoyalPriorities"

chess, feel, game, humor, i, king, let, never, safety, strategy, too, understand, understanding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

76 shares on X this month:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Just landed via Discord:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Spotted on YouTube:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴