Funny 18th century quotes

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Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

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The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

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Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

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Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

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Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

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When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

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I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

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“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

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Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

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Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.