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215 Funny advice quotes

Trending Funny Advice Quotes 🔥

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.
I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.
My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

More funny advice quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Commentary:
"Looking for the lost and found department for 'shit together' items 🤔💩 #LifeGoals #HelpWanted"
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Commentary:
"Remember, dirty hair, clean heart! 💁‍♀️✨ Embrace the messy bun and let your inner fabulousness shine through, regardless of what those unruly thoughts may say! 🌟 #BadHairDayConfidence"
5 months ago
Share →: Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Commentary:
"Nothing says 'I have no idea what I'm talking about' quite like adding 'but that's just me' after steering a coworker straight into disaster 🙈💼 #officefails"
5 months ago
Share →: Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Commentary:
"Listen up, you slightly wilted fruit! It's time to hydrate and stand tall like a ripe banana 🍌💦. Let's straighten that back and show the world that you're not slipping away any time soon! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Commentary:
"Starting your sinning journey, huh? 🍷 Let's start with classics like eating the last slice of pizza and not sharing, or binge-watching Netflix instead of being productive. Remember, sinning responsibly is the key! 😈 #SinsForBeginners"
5 months ago
Share →: Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic plea for a balanced lifestyle! Dearest, may your sleep be as deep as your love for memes, and may your walks be as brisk as your scroll through social media! 💤🚶‍♂️"
5 months ago
Share →: If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Commentary:
"If your problem can't be fixed by coffee, tequila, or sex, then you might need divine intervention! 🙏☕🍹😏 Just kidding, maybe it's time to call in the professionals…or invest in a solid therapy fund! 😉 #LifeAdvice"
5 months ago
Share →: The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Commentary:
"Career advice: Work hard now, so LinkedIn can work harder for you later! 🚀💼 #LinkedInEscapePlan"
5 months ago
Share →: Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Commentary:
"Trying to calm someone down by telling them to calm down is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. 🤦‍♂️🔥 Remember, in the history of calming down, the phrase 'calm down' has only ever caused more chaos! 😂 #KeepItCool"
5 months ago
Share →: What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Commentary:
"Ah, the wise words of the aspiring mountaineer who prefers solid ground beneath their feet! 🏔️🚶‍♂️ Who needs soaring heights and breathtaking views when you can just enjoy a leisurely stroll in the park, am I right? 🌳😄 #GroundedExplorer"