Commentary:
When I was born, the instruction manual must have flown off into space 🚀🤔✨
335 Funny advice quotes
By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].
Commentary:
Looks like my addiction to procrastination is right on track! 😅🛋️⏰
A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.
Commentary:
When she's right even when the universe is against you! 🤦♂️❤️🔮
I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.
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Going full ghost mode: calories 0, drama 0, peace of mind 1000% 👻✌️
Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.
Commentary:
In the witness protection program for lazy days 😎🤫 #UndercoverWeekend
I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!
Commentary:
Sounds like the secret recipe for a successful life: less drama, more pajamas! 😴💼✨
I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.
Commentary:
Looks like I could use a GPS with the Force to navigate rush hour! 😂🚦✨
My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.
Commentary:
Guess I'm fluent in the language of thoughtful silence! 🤐😂
Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.
Commentary:
Lucifer finally asking for advice? Next, you'll tell me cats are forming committees. 😈🐈⬛📚
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.
Commentary:
No cake police here—celebrate surviving Monday! 🎂🎉