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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Making waves on Reddit:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Live now on TikTok:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Just shared via X:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Shared recently on Discord:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Trending via Twitch:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Funny affordable housing quotes

New funny affordable housing quotes 👇

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

1 month ago

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All funny affordable housing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Reddit this month:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

44 shares on X this month:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

37 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Trending via Messenger:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Spotted on Messenger:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Breaking via X:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Spotted on Twitch:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Live now on TikTok:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny affordable housing quotes

New funny affordable housing quotes 👇

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

All funny affordable housing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨