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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Just landed via WeChat:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Trending via Pinterest:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Just shared via Instagram:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Making waves on Facebook:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Shared recently on Discord:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Freshly posted on Slack:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Funny Age of Ultron quotes

New funny Age of Ultron quotes 👇

All funny Age of Ultron quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

64 shares on Slack this month:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

87 shares on Slack this month:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Absurdity is the spice of life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Seen just now on X:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Trending via Reddit:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Making waves on YouTube:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

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