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apple
22 Funny apple quotes
I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.
6 days ago
All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.
2 weeks ago
How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.
1 month ago
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
1 month ago
I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.
1 month ago
How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.
2 months ago
An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.
3 months ago
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.
3 months ago
I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.
3 months ago
“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.
3 months ago
I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.
3 months ago
If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.
3 months ago
Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?
3 months ago
You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?
3 months ago
Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.
3 months ago
If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.
3 months ago
Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.
3 months ago
Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.
3 months ago
I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.
3 months ago
See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.
3 months ago
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