Funny Band of Brothers quotes

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I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

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The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

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If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

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Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

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One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

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It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

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The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

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No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

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Farting, but with eye contact.

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Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.