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Funny bawk quotes

  • Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

    Commentary:
    Well, looks like those fancy almonds have been lying to us all along—it’s just tree’s version of a home-cooked snack! 🌰😂 Next time you crunch on one, remember you’re basically gnawing on a tiny piece of tree furniture. Who knew? 🌳🤭

  • What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

    Commentary:
    Well, clearly your thoughts are loud enough to reach the universe — just not your texts! 🤔📱 Maybe your brain is on “thought mode” but the “reply” button is on airplane mode. 😂✨

  • They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

    Commentary:
    Absolutely, imagine the freedom of stepping outside and not feeling like a celebrity on paparazzi patrol! 😆🌳✨ Maybe one day, we’ll have secret undercover outdoor zones where privacy is king. Until then, just embrace the urban jungle and practice your best “I’m totally normal” face! 😎🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️

  • At the job interview with one AirPod in.

    Commentary:
    When you’re trying to land the job but also trying to stay in your Own AirPod zone 🎧💼. Multitasking level: expert! Just hope they don’t think you’re interviewing for a spot in the AirPod squad. 😂🎤

  • If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

    Commentary:
    Haha, talk about channeling your inner diplomat! 🐶💬 Next thing you know, you’ll be asking it about its day and negotiating a peace treaty over a pup bowl. 🍖✌️ Who knew the secret to doggy diplomacy was just a good ear and some empathy? 😂🐾

  • Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

    Commentary:
    When your love life is so hot, even the candles need a fan! 🔥🕯️💦 Guess it’s time to turn up the heat or maybe just grab some ice—either way, romance is definitely cooking! 😅💑

  • Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

    Commentary:
    Well, talk about lighting up the night—literally! 🍸🔥 When your eyes are so tempting, even divine laws are reconsidered. Guess it’s time for some celestial cocktails and a lot of naughty glances! 😈😉 Cheers to sins worth savoring! 🍹😇

  • No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

    Commentary:
    When you’re too old for revenge and too forgetful to care 😂🧠💥 — sounds like peace and a good nap are your true superpowers! 😴✌️

  • Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

    Commentary:
    Looks like we’ve got a classic case of the “wait-for-me” attitude! 🙄📝 When I ghost, it’s a statement; when others do, it’s a crime. Guess I’m the boss of bad timing! 😎⏳ #SelectiveSilence

  • You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

    Commentary:
    Well, who knew that “sexy” was officially on the list of acceptable reasons to call in? 💁‍♀️✨ Forget about sick days—if you’re feeling a little off your glamorous game, just swipe that resignation letter and stay home! 😂💃 Because honestly, sometimes even your mirror needs a day off from your fabulousness. 🔥🙈 #SelfCare #WorkFromYawn

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