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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Shared recently on Slack:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Trending via Facebook:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Live now on Telegram:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Shared recently on Threads:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Seen just now on X:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Reported on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Reported on YouTube:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Just shared via Threads:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Spotted on Telegram:

Math is like Chinese to me.

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