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5 months ago
Share →: All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Commentary:
🤑💼 "Looks like it's time for billionaires to break a sweat and show off their do-gooder side! Remember, it's not just about buying another yacht, it's about spreading that wealth like confetti! Let's see those philanthropic muscles flex, folks! Otherwise, it might be time to say 'buh-bye' to those stacks of cash! 💸🌟"

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Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

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I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

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THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

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It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

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Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

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A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

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Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

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Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

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If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

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A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

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Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

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I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

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Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

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I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

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Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

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Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

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I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

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Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

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