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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Spotted on Instagram:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Trending via Messenger:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Live now on Messenger:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Seen just now on X:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Funny contestant quotes

New funny contestant quotes 👇

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

4 days ago

chaos, contestant, contestants, course, drunk, every, forever, humor, i, island, life, love, Love Island, party, pool, reality, reality show, show, wasted

All funny contestant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

51 shares on X this month:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Just landed via Facebook:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Just shared via Discord:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Going viral on Reddit:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

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Funny contestant quotes

New funny contestant quotes 👇

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

All funny contestant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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