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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

Broadcasted on Slack:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Live now on Instagram:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Spotted on Messenger:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Spotted on Facebook:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Just landed via YouTube:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Threads this month:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

18 shares on Threads this month:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

80 shares on Telegram this month:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email kills us both.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Shared recently on Slack:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Trending via TikTok:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Making waves on WeChat:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Trending via Slack:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Going viral on Telegram:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Going viral on YouTube:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Trending via Pinterest:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Just shared via WeChat:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

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