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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Trending via Discord:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Just landed via Instagram:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Live now on Threads:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The shitshow must go on.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Making waves on Reddit:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

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There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

3 days ago

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64 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Trending via Instagram:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Seen just now on Slack:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Just landed via Messenger:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

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Funny cut and paste quotes

New funny cut and paste quotes 👇

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

All funny cut and paste quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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