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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Spotted on Messenger:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Live now on Reddit:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Going bananas on TikTok:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Spotted on Instagram:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Just landed via Reddit:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Just shared via WeChat:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Just landed via Instagram:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Funny dead weight quotes

New funny dead weight quotes 👇

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

2 weeks ago

carrying, collaboration, dead, dead weight, economy, expense, expensive, here, hustler, leech, teamwork, together, too, weight, working

All funny dead weight quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Facebook this month:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

94 shares on X this month:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

80 shares on X this month:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

100 shares on Slack this month:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Spotted on Twitch:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Spotted on Slack:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Going viral on WeChat:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Trending via Snapchat:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Going bananas on Threads:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

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Funny dead weight quotes

New funny dead weight quotes 👇

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

All funny dead weight quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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