Funny divine plan quotes

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.