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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

129 Funny drinking quotes

Funny drinking quotes capture the moments when a little too much wine (or tequila) turns ordinary situations into comedy gold! 😂🍻 Whether it’s trying to remember what happened last night, debating if it’s too early for a cocktail, or simply enjoying the freedom of a drink with friends, these quotes remind us that drinking isn’t just about the beverages — it’s about the laughs that come with every sip. Cheers to that! 😆🥂🍸

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

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