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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,287

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Spotted on TikTok:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Just landed via Threads:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Spotted on Discord:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Broadcasted on X:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Spotted on Instagram:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Funny drug test quotes

New funny drug test quotes 👇

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

4 weeks ago

career, drug, drug test, drugs, humor, ruin, test, testing, tests, workplace

All funny drug test quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

93 shares on Discord this month:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Live now on Pinterest:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny drug test quotes

New funny drug test quotes 👇

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

All funny drug test quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨