Skip to content
  • Privacy
  • Disclaimer
  • Terms & Conditions
Wordgag

10,000+ Funny Quotes

  • ⚡ Funny Quotes Slot →
Popular Topics 🚀
mental health routine satire exercise after childhood comfort relationships stop better memory thought old wish eat nature change honesty movie myself everything office own sorry travel Christmas laziness pun self-care trying self anxiety fashion girl talk around actually here experience name thinking ID men snack misunderstanding next coffee friendship marriage used
Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 10 this month

15,835 funny quotes and pics

17,828 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

119 Funny excuse quotes

Funny excuse quotes 🤪 are the perfect way to add a dash of humor 😂 to any situation. Whether you’re late because your pet staged a coup 🐶 or you missed a call due to a ninja attack 🥷, these creative gems turn everyday mishaps into comedy gold. Dive into a world where every excuse is a punchline and laughter is the best response 😂. Get ready to chuckle and maybe find your next great alibi! 😉

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Posts navigation

Newer posts

© 2026 Wordgag Inc.

>>> Random Quotes ✨