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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Spotted on Threads:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Just landed via YouTube:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Just landed via X:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Just landed via Instagram:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Making waves on Slack:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Funny false god quotes

New funny false god quotes 👇

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

4 weeks ago

casual, false, false god, God, humor, invitation, later, man, pull, slang, worship

All funny false god quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

65 shares on Discord this month:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Spotted on Discord:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Freshly posted on X:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Live now on TikTok:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Trending via YouTube:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Just landed via X:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Wordgag ツ

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Funny false god quotes

New funny false god quotes 👇

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

All funny false god quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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