For the record, I use a turntable.

For the record, I use a turntable.

Commentary:
"Oh, you still use a turntable? Bringing back the retro vibes, I see! 🎶🕺 Old school cool or just avoiding the skip button – the world may never know! 🔄💿 #VinylIsFinal"

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the simple joys of life summed up perfectly! 🍹🍹 Who needs profound existential questions when you can have two cocktails and a good meal?! 🍴😄 #LivingTheDream"

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Commentary:
"Who needs a grueling Ironman when you can conquer the challenge of consecutive social gatherings?! 🎉🏊‍♂️🚴‍♂️🏃‍♂️🥂 #SocialButterfly"

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Commentary:
"Who knew burgers were so exclusive now? 🍔🙅‍♂️ Maybe they're just trying to avoid feeling 'beefed' up afterwards! 🤣 #BurgerElitists"

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Commentary:
"Who needs a 401(k) when you've got a DeLorean 😎⏰ Blast from the past or leap into the future? The '80s are calling, and they want their parachute pants back! 🕺🕰️ #BackToTheFuture #RetirementGoals"

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Commentary:
"Introducing Unhinged: where swiping right means swiping left hooks! 👊💔 Who needs dinner and a movie when you can fight for love instead? Ready, set, punch! 💥😂 #LoveAtFirstFight"

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Commentary:
"Apparently, mastering the Macarena doesn't come with a generous reward, unless you count confusing everyone at weddings as a valuable life skill 🕺🎶💃 #MacarenaFail"

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Commentary:
"Sure, I'd love to witness the chaos and creativity that is your mis-matched sock collection! 🧦🤪 Who needs boring pairs when you can shake things up with a fun and quirky sock ensemble? Just be warned, once you see my collection, you'll never look at matching socks the same way again! 😂"

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the classic combo of jittery energy with a side of lung damage! ☕🚬 Who needs a yawn when you can have a wheeze, right? 😂"

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Commentary:
"Decided to follow my passion and pursue a career in professional video-watching 📺💼 Say goodbye to deadlines and hello to endless cat videos! 🐱 #NewJobWhoDis"