82 Funny help quotes

25 shares on Discord this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

58 shares on Threads this month:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

68 shares on Twitch this month:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.