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5 months ago
Share →: All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Commentary:
"Well, at least you're consistent in your preferences – can't say the same for your moral compass or diet plan!"

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Seen just now on Threads:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Going viral on Discord:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Just shared via Twitch:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Going viral on Threads:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Trending via Messenger:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

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Funny immoral quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Wake me up when I’m rich!

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My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

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There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

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