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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,297

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Just shared via TikTok:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Spotted on Instagram:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Trending via Slack:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Funny jewel heist quotes

New funny jewel heist quotes 👇

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

1 month ago

1920s, corruption, corruption scandal, crime, gambling, heist, involvement, jewel, jewel heist, living, mafia, mafia involvement, major, poker, poker ring, ring, scandal, sports, sports gambling, week

All funny jewel heist quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Seen just now on Threads:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Going viral on Twitch:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Making waves on Facebook:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Just shared via Threads:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

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Funny jewel heist quotes

New funny jewel heist quotes 👇

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

All funny jewel heist quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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