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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Spreading quickly via X:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Going viral on Snapchat:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

44 Funny jokes quotes

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If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

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Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

3 weeks ago

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Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

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I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

3 weeks ago

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All funny jokes quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

82 shares on X this month:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

15 shares on X this month:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Going viral on Twitch:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Making waves on WeChat:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Shared recently on YouTube:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Just shared via Twitch:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

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Activity Log ✨

44 Funny jokes quotes

More funny jokes quotes 👇

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

All funny jokes quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨