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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Spotted on Instagram:

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Shared recently on X:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Just landed via Reddit:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

23 shares on Discord this month:

Your soul is out of balance because you have fallen out of touch with your consumer demographic. Pay more attention to your personalized ads, let them flow through you.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

55 shares on Threads this month:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Trending via Instagram:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Trending via LinkedIn:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

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